A few weeks back, I was reading a Facebook post of a casual acquaintance, and the conversations that followed in the comments. It felt like a déjà vu. I’ve had that same conversation many people in my own life, and I bet you have, too.
The post itself said something along these lines:
“Just because someone is a member of your family doesn’t mean you have to have these people in your life.”
There were over 150 comments with people sharing how one or another family member had done them wrong. Or how a close friend who was considered as a family member had done them wrong.
The reasons were all the same: things were done, said, implied. The details around the reasons were as abundant as there were comments. So many different scenarios.
And then, you know, the conversation became about what it always comes about: Is it time to cut these people out of my life? Is it time to cut the cord?
That’s what we want to do, isn’t it? NO PEOPLE, NO PROBLEMS!
Yet at the core of it is that we want to cut the cord not so much with the offending person, but with the way we feel. Not that we never want to see the other person again, but we want to make sure we never have to feel like this again.
So feel free to handle that relationship whichever way you feel – keep working at it, or cut it off. The way you feel inside will not go away unless you deal with it. Just because you are not actively feeling it, it’s still there. Hidden deep, waiting for the right trigger to come by so it can resurface again and demand out attention.
If we don’t give it, a new person will show up in our lives and make sure that we are aware of its existence.
You see, interacting with others is our life, isn’t it? You are at a family gathering, or a work meeting, or traffic, grocery store, and so on. Whenever other people are present, there’s a chance for you to get triggered: mother in law, sister, brother, cousin, colleague, boss, client, fellow drivers, fellow shoppers, and fellow inhabitants of this planet.
We could just move into the woods and try to avoid people, but this way you will be doing yourself a disservice, and here’s why:
Relations are our greatest source of pain, and joy.
Yes, the people around us remind us what’s beautiful about ourselves and the world, they point out what within us needs readjusting and healing, and they always have something to teach us.
Thus, don’t spend your valuable time on whether you should, or should not, cut someone out of your life. Instead, spend that energy on learning how you can live your life so that others actions, words, and innuendos do not control the way you feel.
Live the way you choose.
Photo by Andreea Popa on Unsplash. Thank you!